Novel York times: It seems the Big Apple is today infested with Brits following this here MBM. Here’s another one:”I’ve no idea which Novel York Peter Lavelle and Alix Sharkey live in,” naysays Nathan Smith.”I’m another expat in NYC and am surrounded by American’s complaining about the weather, the cost of living and the overcrowded subways. They all want a return to the days of Studio 54 and cheap hookers in Times Square. Who am I to argue, though I’m unsure why it was warmer back then”
45 mins: The White Hart Lane are pleading for the half-time whistle, and when it comes it’s greeted by contemptuous boos: their team have been outplayed in every way so far. Redknapp will surely have to adjsut his formation as Burnley are slicing through the middle with ease. My guess is Campbell will be sacrificed as his non-effectiveness smeans Spurs have basically been playing with 1 up front anyway. O’Hara will probably come on and enjoy in the middle instead, with Modric reverting to his role in the hole. There is no guarantee, of course that any of that will break the rhytmn of a Burnley side who have been impressively in the groove so far.
45 mins: Tottenham again work themselves into a decent crossing position exclusive for Lennon to let the side down with another feeble delivery.”Does Lennon possess a left foot?” warbles Seth Ennis. On this evidence, Seth, he has 2 of them.
43 mins: Yet more nimble enjoy by Burnley, who are confident and inventive on the ball and are forcing countless last-ditch interventions by Spurs defenders around the box.
40 mins: Bentley juggles with the ball down the left wing … and then passes it to a Burnley defender. He hasn’t been good today, the boy Bentley, continually cutting inside to no good effect. He might be better off switching to the right, where he can keep things simple: just dash down the flank and ping in a cross, Stewart Downing-style.
38 mins: Burnley mount another attack and as usual they get plenty of men forward, but this time Spurs get enough back too, and eventually bundle it away.”By the way, I’m watching this online over in NY and your update is coming instantly to what’s happening on the screen,” reveals John Lally.”So either there’s a delay on this”live coverage” from England fans’ favourite broadcaster or you type true quicker.” The truth, John, is that I am fast as a shark, as Accept memorably put it.
35 mins: Corner to Spurs as a Lennon cross is deflected behind after good work by Bale, who has again shown himself to be a darn sight more effective going forward that he is at the back (Eagles wriggled past him far too easily for the goal). Like a plastic tree, the corner bears no fruit.
32 mins: Another wonky cross from Lennon.”Is our main hope them having to use up all 3 subs by part time then having their goalkeeper sent off for Frazier Campbell diving over him in the box again?” wonders John Lally. It might jsut be, John, though I don’t think Campbell is playing today. No, hold on, I’ve just checked the team sheet – apparently he is out there somewhere.
29 mins: Lennon scutters towards the box and then shoots straight at Jordan, who then clears with ease. And on that note, another Burnley player – McCann this time – goes down injured. He seems to have picked up a strain or twist of some sort. But he clambers back to his feet and looks like he’s going to try to run it off, the trooper.
27 mins: Inury-enforced substitution: Gudjonsson off, McDonald on.
25 mins: What an instinctive save by Jensen! Bentley sent a corner to the back post, where Woodgate rose and headed to Pavlyuchenko, who swivelled and tried to turn it into the net from 3 yards. But the keeper plunged to his right and scooped it away.”As another expat Novel Yorker, I can tell Peter Lavelle that its citizens never moan about its lousy weather, incessant noise, general aggression, air pollution, overcrowding or extortionate cost of living for 1 simple reason: we’re all living in denial,” splutters Alix Sharkey.”Either that, or it truly is the greatest city in the world.”
24 mins: More splendid enjoy by Burnley, who have Tottenham on the rack. Again they stretched them with speedy simplicity and before Eagles drifted a dainty cross towards the six-yard box and Blake beat Tottenham’s defenders to it but nodded fractionally wide.
22 mins: Gomes hurtles off his line to snuff out another Burnley attack. Then Tottenham break with menace for the first time in many mintues, but Modric over-hits his attempted through-ball to Pavlyuchenko. Sky’s Alan Smith said of the goal that it was an’unmissable chance’ for Paterson,” barfs Tom Chivers.”That is demonstrably untrue. It looked almost exactly like any 1 of several that Robbie’the Hitman’ Keane has missed for the Liverpool in current weeks.” Speaking of which, Spurs will presumably put in a £40m bid for Keane some time soon?
19 mins: This really is an excellent display so far from Burnley. Their doing all the grubby stuff better than Spurs, but they’re also producing most of the beautiful enjoy. Spurs have simply not been given any chance to get back into the game as Burnley continue to press them onto the back foot.
15 mins: If you have to lose a bet, that’s not a bad way to do it: Burnley have just scored a lovely goal. The ever-lively Eagles tricked his way past Bentley and Bale on the right and surged to the by-line before crossing neatly to Paterson, who tapped the ball into the net from 3 yards. Speed, deftness and precision in 1 crisp move.
GOAL! Spurs 0-1 Burnley (Paterson 15′)
13 mins: Bentley intercepts a rare slack Burnley pass and lets fire from 25 yards. It swerves in the air but Jensen keeps his eye on the ball, and then his hands.
12 mins: Modric – whom I have backed at 12-1 to be the first scorer today – shimmies past his marker with characteristic gracel, but then mucks things up with a sloppy pass.
9 mins: It really is a pleasant spectacle so far. Burnley have certainly not come to cling on for a draw: they are complete of offensive intent and passing quickly and adroitly. Spurs are their usual pacey and attack-minded selves, but wayward final balls have let them down so far, principally from Lennon and Croluka down the right.
7 mins: Eagles wriggles past Zokora in the middle and then scampers forward and nutmegs Dawson before Woodgates hurries across to curtail his nifty work. Good defending after some fine attacking.
5 mins: Lennon gets those little legs of his pumping and scurries down the left. Somehow Elliott keeps up with him and puts in a strong tackle to knock the ball out for a corner – which Jensen punches well clear.”I agree that the Defoe thing looks like bad business, but Michael Owen?!” carps Eliot Crowe.”As if Spurs don’t have enough perma-injured players! also, that whole thing about managers talking about how much they need novel players always seems like a double-edged sword to me. I reckon it demotivates the existing players and gives them a good excuse if they lose.”
3 mins: Slick, enterprising stuff from Burnley. With a series of smart first-touch passes they again created space for Eagles, but again the former Manchester United man finished badly. Wayne Rooney would be proud.
2 mins: Nice, pacey, open start to this game, which is being played in a heaving atmosphere. Eagles has just put in the match’s first shot, collecting a pass from Elliot and curling the ball well wide from 25 yards.
1 min: We have kick-off.”Is Owen cheap when we can expect him to spend most of the season in the treatment room?” mulls Michael Philip. “I dare say Defoe is not such a bad choice in terms of cash as they did get a lot of dosh for a lot of tosh in Keane and Berbatov.” But Michael, Spurs don’t seem to mind paying players who can exclusive enjoy every now and again, viz: Ledley King.
7:58pm: 2 teams are now on the pitch, which is a handy coincidence really becauase 36,000 people have turned up today in search of a football match.
7:55pm: Defoe toddles out onto the pitch ironically dressed like Oliver Twist. He receives a hearty welcome from the Spurs faithful.
7:52pm: Note to Peter Lavelle: Sky’s camera has just panned to 2 hardy Burnley fans in White Hart Lane who are chanting their love for their team … while bare-chested! Everyone else in the ground appears to be sporting several layers of duffell, fleece, wool and what not.
7:49pm: Yeah, yeah, yeah, thanks for all your smart-arse messages about certain team-list issues. Shoddy cutting-and-pasting, I’ll admit. The line-ups are now intact, I think. Meanwhile, 1 Peter Lavelle wants attention.”I’m an expat living in Novel York,” bellow Peter.”I see people are worried about -10c weather back in Blighty. 3 weeks ago here it was -22C with windchill here and there was nary a complaint from the natives. I had a good moan, mind.”
Preamble:
You can be sure that Harry Redknapp will want to win this tie. Not so much because he craves the Carling Cup, but rather because progress to the Final would enable him to continue moaning about how small and ill-equipped his squad is for”battling on all fronts”. His customary bleating, as always, has 2 purposes: to convey the impression that winning so much as a throw-in with such meagre resources makes him a managerial genius; and, of course, to convince his employers to give him lots of lolly and permission to go a-frolicking in the transfer market. Speaking of which, isn’t Spurs signing of Jermain Defoe for twice the fee they themselves got for him last year a spectacularly misguided piece of business? Particularly as Defoe was never consistent for Spurs and, say, Michael Owen would have been accessible for a fraction of the price (and less wages than Newcastle giddily gave him).
*if I had enough cash to buy a football club I would not be stupid enough to buy a football club. No, it would be a mansion in the tropics and regular jaunts to space for me.
Tottenham (who, it seems, will be deployed in a 4-4-2, giving Luka Modric another chance to show he has the wherwithal to survive and thrive in the hurly-burly of English football’s midfields): Gomes; Corluka, Dawson, Woodgate, Bale; Bentley, Lennon, Zokora, Modric, Pavlyuchenko, Campbell.
Subs: Gunter, Dos Santos, Taarabt, Boetang, O’Hara, Alnwick, Rocha.
Burnley: Jensen; Alexander, Duff, Carlisle, Jordan, Elliott, McCann, Gudjonsson; Eagles, Blake, Paterson.
Subs: Penny, McDonald, Kalvenes, Akinbiyi, Mahon, Rodriguez, A MacDonald
Referee: Yes
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